The Rhythm of Life

When I was in the land of work I discovered a strange phenomena on which I would welcome some feedback. Like many people who work in an office situation I occasionally found that ball point pens, and I include these new fangled gel pens in this, seemed to be attracted to me. On getting home in the evening I would find that there would be at least a couple in my jacket or trouser pockets, that were not there in the morning and which were then placed in the kitchen drawer, in case of need. At work I would find that a collection of pens would build up on my desk, filling to over flowing the little sliding thingy that was in the top drawer of the "gusunder" and piling up behind the pc. The dressing table drawer became stuffed with pens, the desk in my study littered with them. Even the car was not immune to the hordes of pens that seemed to appear out of nowhere, taking over the money tray, getting down the back of the seats and falling on the floor, to become trapped under the accelerator pedal. Where ever I went, pens seemed to find their way into my pocket, even from places I had never been to myself. London Hotel chains, banks, shopping outlets, charities that I don't normally subscribe to. Their give away ball points miraculously found their way into my possession. And then, again almost as miraculously, they started to leave. Drawers emptied, pockets cleared, desk tops were deserted. When you needed a pen urgently to make a note of a phone message, there were none. Gradually, of course, pens would reappear, perhaps just one or two, usually ones that didn't work all that well, and for maybe days, or sometimes even weeks things seemed to be normal. There may not be a pen at hand just when you needed it, but one could be coaxed out of the bottom of the drawer if one looked hard enough. Then, without warning it would start all over again.

I never did understand just what was the cause of these "Birorythms". Was it related to my moods, my stars, performance reviews, or my sex life, I just don't know. Since deciding that I had spent a sufficiently long percentage of my life expectancy in paid employment, I find that, although there is some notable variation in the number of ball points to be found at any one moment, the ebb and flow is nothing like that of previous years.

If you have a similar experience, then do let me know, and if you have a silver "Parker", with my name on it, I would appreciate it back one day.

Sooo Sorry

Did Gordon Brown sound like a Prime Minister or a lovesick teenager when he pleaded with his MPs to be allowed to stay at the party? Does the fact that he is willing to learn from his mistakes fill you with confidence? or despair! Neil Kinnock, not wishing to keep the title of the worse leader that the Labour party has ever had, has spoken out in his defence. That should have sent enough fears through the Labour back benchers to have dumped this wee timid beastie. Of course Neil's wife has just landed herself a job in the cabinet, unelected, of course, and a seat in the House of Lords, so he wouldn't be wanting to step on her toes, would he? 

The facts are, and Gordon knows it, if he stood down then there would be little chance of holding out until next year for a General election. With the current state of the economy and the MPs greed still fresh in the publics mind there is every chance that the labour party would be banished to the fringes of political life from which it would take at least a generation to recover. And who, of the hopeful leaders to be would want to lead the party into the wilderness? Certainly not Alan Johnson. He sees himself as the next leader of the Labour party, but not until after the next election. He knows that labour can't win the next election, whenever it is called, but at least he would be able to start afresh and leave the blame at Gordon's feet.

From all reports it has been the night of the long knives, but in reverse, with the bully boys threatening the back benchers of isolation from the party machine if they continue to demand that GB steps down. Well, I would have thought that might be a good idea, to isolate yourself from the party machine just at the moment. at least Hazel Blears thinks so. Off she goes to reconnect with her roots. The last thing she wants at the moment is to have either GB or one of his new second rate Ministers coming along to remind her constituents just what she has been part of for the last few years.

It is common knowledge that Brown is indecisive. It appears that he cannot even decide to go home back to Scotland now that the party is over. He is hanging about waiting for the music to stop, offering to help tidy up, with the hope that he will remain on the guest list. 

I have some advice for those labour MPs that think he should go. Start your own party. David Cameron seems to be making a good show of holding a shadow government together. I would suggest that the cabinet Ministers that have resigned of late form their own little shadow cabinet. Forget GB, let him fret and sulk. Tell the public what needs to be done to get both the country and the labour party out of the mess they have got us into. Support the back benchers in their Constituencies. Ask the type of questions at PMQT that will make Gordon squirm. Formulate policy and declare it to the world. At the worse Gordon will copy your ideas, at the best he will be seen as the lost leader that he is, with a public recognition that labour might be worth voting for next time round, with another leader of course.

In touch with her public

So Hazel Blears thinks that "ordinary people are capable of extraordinary things" Well, she has certainly proved that one right. In fact that is her only saving grace. It is a fact that many of the great british public that are calling for her blood, are angry because she has managed to get away, until now, with something that they would have gladly taken a piece of if it had been offered. And they are angry as  much for being  been found out as for being on the take in the first place. In fact Hazel Blears represents a great number of English people today. I say English because I do not want to insult a great number of non English British citizens, of which I know even less than i know about Ms Blears.  I was about to write " we have become" but now question whether it is a recent change in character. But to continue in the original vein, We have become a nation of selfish  wasters. I expect that there will be many that didn't even know who Hazel Blears was until her name came up in the Daily Telegraph league of Parliamentary Adventurers. Her smug smile doesn't help her case a bit but, other than being found out, she hasn't done anything worse that many others, given the chance.  

I'll give you a minute to jot down the names of all those in the news recently who haven't been in the news because of their bad behaviour. I don't expect that the list will be too long. because no one is interested in anyone who hasn't misbehaved. The TV is crammed with shows about people who misbehave, whether in real life or or fiction and the newspapers likewise. Even the Has BGT show is getting in the news over the treatment of Susan Boyle rather than the dancing of the winning group. I happened to pick up the daily mail today, whilst in the Library, and glanced through an article on Peaches Geldof.  Now , there are two things I know about her. One her dad's Bob G and two she is a badly behaved little girl who should be told to go and sit on the naughty step until she can behave herself. But if you type her name into Google you will get 1,100,000 hits. More than twice the number for Hazel Blears. I admit that Miss G is physically more attractive than Ms B, not that this should make any different in our equality minded world, but you can't deny the fact that Ms Blears has tried to do some good for society, whilst Ms G appears hot to care a fig for anyone other than herself. Ms Blears appears to have used the rules to benefit from thousand of pounds tax free profit from house sales: Miss Geldof, we learn earned £25K by tipping off a photographer just where she might be seen slipping out of her top on the beach. The only difference is that Hazel Blears was in a public position where she was making the rules under which we are supposed to live and so her real crime is hypocrisy. Miss Geldof, on the other hand,  well I have given her more publicity than she deserves, so I'll end now.

Move over darling

The fact that Alistair Darling still has a job can only put down to the fact that Gordon Brown is known for being a ditherer. Plus of course he is running out of candidates for his top jobs. Hazel Blears is already on the list to go at the next reshuffle and there can't be many cards left in poor Gordon's hand. Ed Balls is muted for a move to No 11 but if he had any decency he would be packing his bags and going home, if he can remember just where that is these days. When it comes to it there aren't a great number of names that you can think of that might be suitable for a cabinet position that aren't destined for the naughty seat rather than the front bench. Although if they were put on the front bench, where we can keep an eye on their behaviour we might not have so much scandal in the house.

Of course, after hosting this greed fuelled party, poor old Gordon wants to stay behind and help pick up the pieces and put it all back together again before the police turn up. He will, of course, be thinking that if he doesn't then it will be a long time before he is invited to the party again.

When MPs want to sidle off to the Opera rather than attend a boring old debate about the nations economic problems they find a likely candidate from the opposition to pair off with. Perhaps the Holy Trinity, Gordon, David and young Nick can do a deal over the expenses fiasco in a similar way. Cameron could send home one of his number, Nick Clegg one of his and Gordon can do likewise. No waiting to pass go at the next election and collect £30,000 payoffs, though. Just a warm farewell and a free course at the local Tech on home economics. If Cameron, brown and Clegg don't like this idea then I have another. i am assuming that the "Has Briton got talent" set is still in one piece. well. just line up the errant MPs and give them 3 minutes to tell their story and plead for forgiveness. Brown, Cameron and Clegg can take the place of the judging panel and 2 Xs and they are off the stage. The great british public could then be given the opportunity to vote for those that they want to see sent packing and who they want to stay. I expect that the number of votes cast at the usual telephone charge for this type of programme could pay off the National debt and ensure that the whole lot are handed over to the Revenue officers and hopefully not heard from again.